Disappear! …or don’t…

I wish that she would just disappear forever!

That’s not true… Well, it is, but it isn’t… I just hate that she can make him happy in the way that I can’t. It’s hard loving someone who you know loves somebody else…

I just wish that I could be the one to make him happy. I wish that I could be the one he spent all of his time with. But I’m not and I can’t be… And while I’m jealous that she can, I know that even if she disappeared it wouldn’t fix things. He’d still want her and if he didn’t, he still wouldn’t want me.

She makes him happy and more then anything, I want him to be happy. He has the most beautiful smile. I want him to smile a lot and be happy all the time. If she makes him that way then… I want to support them. Even when it’s hard and sometimes I wish she’d disappear forever…

I’m jealous. I won’t deny that. But more then my jealousy, I want him to be happy. And that’s hard. It’s hard to put someone else’s happiness before your own sometimes…